On Screen. Off Screen.
It’s a Wired World. Parenting in a hyperconnected digital age can leave parents flustered. The choice between screen time and scream time can be mind-bending. It is a tough, tricky balancing act. It is akin to maneuvering a snakes-and-ladders board, only it’s not a game.
Even before the Covid pandemic, kids were already excessively using multiple devices. They were spending a huge amount of screen time on video games, cable TV, streaming channels, YouTube and social media. More than two years since the virus outbreak, they have become even more hyper-connected to a point that mobile devices are now practically their can’t-do-without mates.
It’s been reported that a new technology is introduced every 18 months or so. Cybersecurity has become less secure. Smartphones keep getting smarter. Yes, that small always-connected device has made parenting tenfold more taxing. We can’t keep up with every online app or site our kids visit. We need to equip them with the skills, thinking and behaviours as well as consistently instill character-building values so they can be safe and smart whenever they are online.
Weekly Sparks gets insights from Amanda Griffin Jacob on the realities of digital parenting, on and off screen. An entrepreneur, social influencer and health advocate, the multi-tasking mother of four puts her family first. Married to David Jacob for 13 years, the couple is aware of the risks and benefits of raising their kids (3 sons and a daughter, ages 12, 9, 7 and 3) in a digital world.
Raising kids in a digital world
Amanda: Never before has the human race had such extensive, accessible knowledge at their fingertips, and it has altered not only the way we learn but also the way we live and communicate with one another.
The benefits of digital technology for kids includes access to information, educational platforms, and the ability to connect to a much larger community. The drawbacks are plentiful and the ones that concern me most are the social disconnect, gadget compulsion, susceptibility to online predators and inappropriate content, and cyber bullying.
Effects on children’s development
Amanda: The digital age has many effects on a child’s development. Video games, for example, are designed to be addictive. I’ve seen first-hand the negative effect of screen time on my eldest who has issues regulating after periods of game time and/or any extended amount of screen time.
I think that the initiation and immersion in social media comes with certain risks (loneliness, comparing to others, feeling less than) most especially for children who are too young and not prepared to cope with the pressures that it can bring. I am not allowing my 12-year-old to have any social media accounts yet.
I understand that being a digital native does have some positives like improved problem solving, decision making, and multi-tasking. These can be sharpened from gaming which for me as a parent is so counter intuitive. I want my kids outside instead of glued to a screen. But I suppose it’s a small comfort that digital technology is helping development in this way.
Parenting is more difficult now compared to previous generations
Amanda: Definitely! Two main reasons: social media and the smartphone! For me one of the most problematic issues is the incessant connectivity to the world. It is so difficult to disconnect to preserve your mental health as an adult; how much more for a child? Trying to teach and guide your children how to navigate and handle these tools responsibly is a really tough job. As a parent raising children in a norm that is far from what I experienced as a child is confusing and to be completely transparent frightening a lot of the time.
Reality bytes on and off screen
Amanda: I had been holding out on giving gadgets to my eldest who is 12 years old. But his school required all students to have an iPad when he entered 6th grade last year. You can imagine the rollercoaster I have been on trying to acclimate him to having his own gadget. All I can say is thank goodness for Screen Time on Apple devices! I would not be able to maintain the essential parameters that he needs without this app!
This is my most important personal tip for parents. Most kids are not mentally mature enough to be able to discern their healthy and appropriate online limits and boundaries. This will only come with age and maturity. And to be completely honest there are a lot of us adults who still don’t know their own. So having some sort of outsourced programme in place that helps you help your child is compulsory in my opinion.
The non-negotiable values that I try to instill in them is the importance of respect for everyone and interpersonal human interaction. I find that in this digital age, respect and tangible face-to-face interaction seem to be a low priority for many people. This is evidenced by the proliferation of keyboard warriors, cyber bullying, and cancel culture. Not to mention zoom meetings, classes, celebrations, and the like. I try to emphasise that every single person deserves to be respected and there is nothing that can replace actually being with people (instead of just virtually).
Importance of conjugal decisions on screen time, content censorship
Amanda: Yes, David and I make the bigger digital parenting decisions together. But I’m the on ground manager handling the day to day assessments about content censorship and screen time limits.
David: We do our best to ensure we have alignment on setting boundaries and being seen as united. It’s definitely not easy and we both have different parenting styles, and inconsistencies are common. It’s a work in progress, but very crucial that we get this right so that clear boundaries and consistency are established.
Vigilance in digital parenting
Amanda: Digital parenting is crucial because of the vast access the internet provides to things that we as parents were not exposed to in our formative years. Like social media, video streaming, multi-player games, and online pornography and predators. We need to help our kids understand and develop their self-awareness, responsibility, accountability, and sensible decision making.
We are also here to help nurture their positive self-image because social media is making this especially challenging for this generation. It is our job as parents to keep our communication channels as open as possible with our children, educate ourselves about what the kids are doing online, be consistent with your rules and consequences, and most importantly be a good role model when it comes to your own digital habits.
After attending a Google talk on the subject, Amanda sums up her key takeaway in a blog post:
It is not realistic to enforce a complete ban on gadgets as not only are we living in a digital age, but doing so may put them at a disadvantage
It is imperative to set rules and boundaries for gadget usage.
We must actively curate and monitor sites, games, and shows for our children. We can control usage with various tech tools.
We must model good behavior. If we are always on our own gadgets, what kind of example are we setting for our kids?
Other important points incorporated how screen time can actually be beneficial for our children. How? We need to focus on their behavior on the device. Turn our kids from mindless consumers to creators. Their brains are activated when they are dynamically building something and there are many programs that can actually nurture their ability to create and problem solve.
Amanda’s insights on digital parenting resonate. Indeed, we cannot raise our kids the way our parents raised us. That world is gone. Welcome to 21st century parenting.
Debbie | ws
Images: @amandagriffin_j | Amanda’s Website