Michelle Ressa Aventajado: Motherhood Inspires Advocacies

There are no benchmarks for a mother’s unconditional love for her children. It’s the kind of unwavering affection that cannot be reduced to a checklist of traits. Because to love unconditionally is to accept her children with no restrictions or stipulations, regardless of circumstances or a child’s actions. 

Writer. Blogger. Teacher. TV host. Social enterprise executive. Advocate. Michelle Ressa Aventajado wears many hats. But the most important hat she wears 24/7 is being a hands-on mom to Gia, Miguel, Diego and Gelli. In fact, it is motherhood that fuels her to face each day with purpose and passion.

Born in Manhattan and raised in upstate New York, the Filipina-American, who always wanted to be a mom, relocated to Manila with her husband Nino and three children in 2006. Acclimatising wasn’t easy at first. Moving from a First to a Third World country had its challenges, especially raising her offspring in an uncharted territory. Gelli, the fourth child, joined the family in 2011.  

“If you would have asked me about motherhood a few years ago, I can imagine how different my answers would be. As we evolve, the meaning behind everything evolves too. I have always shared how motherhood holds a mirror to you. Your children do not define who you are, but they sure do provide a ton of opportunities for you to reflect on the person you are and who you want to be,” reflects Michelle. 

The Momma ‘N Manila (MNM) blogger admits that motherhood changed with each child. Each baby born shifted her understanding of motherhood, relationships, and maybe even the world. She also realised she had less control over everything than she thought. But one thing’s for sure – Michelle has the ability to shape the way another human being feels in this world because she wanted them to feel safe to be who they are and for her to be able to grow with each of them. 

Michelle explains: “Gia as my first girl caused me to challenge the stereotypes and gender conformity. I remember my Godmother remarking on the fact that I rarely put Gia in pink clothes as a baby. I wanted her to choose the color pink when she wanted it, so I dressed her in a lot of navy blues and greens. Very unisex. I didn't want her to be boxed in.

“Miguel (in utero) had what seemed like a few challenges in his health, and that shifted the way I embraced my faith. Thankfully, all the issues that they found while he was still developing were easily worked out because he just needed more time...

“Diego was an easy delivery, but not an easy baby. As an infant he had acid reflux. With no yaya and three babies 5 years old and younger it was hard. Nino went back to work and Diego didn't stop crying. He cried every time I put him down. Until I realized why he was in pain...

“Gelli was always going to be my last kid. Her extra chromosome was like an exclamation point on my motherhood. I thought I knew what I was doing (turned out I didn't always though, hahahhaha) until she came along. She turned my world upside down… brought me back to my faith again like Miguel.” 

Being a nurturing mother and a teacher have always been an aspiration for Michelle. She graduated with a degree to teach nursery through 6th grade, coached peewee soccer, taught at multiple levels in mainstreamed classrooms, taught catechism classes in the private school and church where she grew up as a kid, was a girl scout leader and a yoga teacher. Now she teaches people about inclusion. 

Inspired advocacies

Motherhood gravitated Michelle toward meaningful endeavours where she can hold a torch for causes that are close to her heart. She is active in advocacies that centre on diversity and inclusion that are largely focused on children and families.  

Momma ‘N Manila (MNM) is her widely followed blog that has a warm heart-and-hearth vibe of a mommy diary, where the former school teacher thoughtfully chronicles her journey of finding herself through motherhood, learning through her children, her students, and her adventures here in Manila.

But the primary reason Michelle started MNM was to chronicle her and her family’s story with Gelli, her youngest born with Down Syndrome.

Looking back to that day, Michelle shares: “October 15,  2012. A little more than a year after she was born, I decided to gift myself a domain so that I could start writing about her. It was raw and cathartic. I bared my soul in those first few entries. 

“What I wanted to share in MNM was that my motherhood became even more beautiful because of the perspective of Gelli’s extra chromosome. She gave me courage, even when she was an infant. The most fragile child empowered me in the most mighty of ways. Her extra chromosome rocked my world. She showed me my own bias, my own limited understanding of the world and humankind. She cracked me wide open. She turned my inside out and taught me how to be brave in serving those who are often underserved. And because of her, I didn't just want to root for the underdog or serve the marginalized.  I had to advocate. Her birth changed the lifelong volunteerism where I felt I was being led to a lifelong advocate. I advocate like a mother!”

Down Syndrome Association of the Philippines Inc. (DSAPI) is committed to improving quality of life for people who have Down's syndrome, promoting their right to be included on a full and equal basis with others. In the Philippines, DS affects approximately 1 in every 800 newborns (approximately 1,875 babies are born with DS each year), according to DSAPI. There are over 100,000 Filipino households living with a person with DS. 

“It was the first support group we turned to after Gelli was born. They provided a real sense of direction for me and Nino, because we felt lost and completely alone. Everything we knew about parenting (I felt at the time) had to be thrown out the window. The playing field changed and the rules were adjusted. This meant I felt like a “New Mom,” again, and that was pretty scary. Attending that first Early Intervention Seminar was exactly what we needed to see that we just needed to make some adjustments to be the best parents we could be for our daughter,” recalls Michelle.

Best Buddies Philippines (BBP) is a non-profit organisation that empowers individuals with intellectual and developmental diversities through one-to-one friendships, integrated employment, and leadership development. Michelle sits on the board as president and executive director of BBP.  They have been running programs for those with IDD (Individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities) since 2014 to help them secure jobs, live independently, and build lasting friendships. It collaborates with multinational and local companies interested in hiring neurodivergent individuals through workplace sensitivity training. By ensuring that both participants and companies are prepared for integrated employment, this leads to workplace readiness, retention, and success of the program.

“I want each of our buddies to experience the joy of friendship, of entering a room and feeling a sense of belonging, of having choices. Sometimes people would ask me (when Gelli was smaller) why I was throwing so much into Best Buddies Philippines because she was so small that she did not enjoy the programmes and the events that we were putting together. It was a no brainer. Gelli’s going to grow up into the world that we were shaping and creating for her. I wanted it to be more welcoming than it was when she was born,” Michelle underscores. 

The Center For Possibilities (TCFP), a foundation where Michelle also sits on the board, is on a mission to improve the quality of life for children and adults with developmental disabilities and their families, transforming their lives from disabled to enabled. She met TCFP founder Dolores Cheng through a common friend. Dolores’ son was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay when he was three years old. The main objective is to provide opportunities for therapy in far flung regions through the support of Reach International School and the volunteer therapists.

“Dolores Cheng is a good friend. She invited Gelli to be part of a documentary on children with special needs. I agreed for Gelli to be featured as long as the language of the film jived with what Nino and I want for our daughter. And after a few edits, the producer and director made sure it did. TCFP goes into communities and assists parents where they don’t have any help. There are many families in rural parts of the Philippines with children who have special needs who have never been seen by a therapist, or even a developmental pediatrician,” Michelle says mindfully.

#EndTheRWord is a battle against verbal abuse, or the use of derogatory language against IDDs whether in their presence or on social media (where cyber bullying abounds). It is an awareness  campaign that fosters the understanding that words matter. 

“I met an anthropologist who shared that any big movement in culture or society (both good or bad) started with a shift in language. Eliminating the use of hurtful language is the first step in building a more inclusive society,” she says. 

#ChangingTheFaceOfBeauty is campaign by another momma who wanted to change the world for her baby girl. Founder Katie Driscoll’s journey is a photographer who believes media and advertising can change perceptions of the largest minority in the world – the disability community. She called on retailers all over the world to Change The Face Of Beauty by advocating for inclusive imageries through inclusion to empower people living with disabilities. 

“I followed along in Katie’s journey, and tried my best to encourage brands in the Philippines to do the same. I felt Changing The Face Of Beauty was so important because here in the global south, we do not see faces that are representative of diverse individuals. Representation matters and changing the face of beauty for kids who have Down syndrome is important to me because my daughter has Down syndrome,” she says. “Green Blooded is the first brand that I know that featured a kid with DS all those years ago. Gelli was only three years old. Since then she has worked with other brands on social media like Laya, Style Me Little, Mustela and Lilo.”

As if her advocacies aren’t enough to fill her days, Michelle joined World of Women (WOW) in September 2023 at a time when she was looking for support and ways to grow and learn. WOW is a global community of women that gives a refreshing new meaning to ‘inclusion and diversity’ –  raising each other and channeling the power of collaboration to change the equation while fostering sisterhood-fun along the way.

“I was looking for a mentor and found friends, too! I love that there are opportunities for professional development, networking, and socials that are genuine and fun. As someone who is constantly looking for continued learning opportunities, WOW provides both professional and personal development. It's a girl gang who doesn't gate keep. It's supportive.”

Motherhood becomes her

Being a mom is a full time job. No days off. No vacation pay. But the benefits far outweigh the gains of a 9-5 conventional job. 

“My kids are older now so the joys are also different. Traveling solo with the kids is so much fun. Cooking with them instead of  ‘for them’ is my happy place. When we are in the kitchen moving around as one unit to prepare a meal is probably the time when I feel most comfortable in my skin as a mother. Doing things together and for each other. 

“As I have gotten older, I realise that the ‘joys’ are sometimes the simplest of things. Like freezing a moment in time when we are all at the beach legs and bodies intertwined because we are on a sofa and bean bags together, watching the sun set...

“Or seeing Gelli confidently take the stage for a fashion show in collaboration with Bayo Atelier and Best Buddies Philippines. 

“Or listening to my daughter Gia  (who is now a third year med student) explain something in a way I can better understand because we are at the neurology appointment with my parents.

“Or watching my son, Miguel, move around the room comfortably chatting in a room full of adults, art, and fashion. There is joy in also asking your kids to help out with the things that you know they are good at.

“Or seeing Diego giggle as he is sitting with his girlfriend and they are having a conversation at the table where we are all sitting together. She allows the softer side of him to come out...”

Michelle’s biggest joy is the sight of her three older kids showing unconditional love to their youngest Gelli. They are protective, nurturing, sweet, hilarious, almost parental and tough.

“Gosh. If you watch them all move around together you would crack up too. But admittedly, they have said more than once that I'm too soft on Gelli. In fact, her sister just said to me the other day, ‘Mom, don't steal her struggle. Let her do it so she learns’… Ugh! I was convicted, but I know mothers all over the world would bear the pain and suffering of our children if we could... but not if it would sacrifice their growth and development.”

Michelle often said, “My kids hold a mirror to me and they are my greatest teachers…” But it works both ways. As her four  kids’ first teacher and forever mom, she is a mirror of unconditional love that shaped them into the spirited and nurturing individuals they are now. 

Debbie | ws 

Images courtesy of Michelle Aventajado | Momma ‘N Manila | Best Buddies Philippines | | #EndTheRWord | #ChangingTheFaceOfBeauty  | Instagram @mommanmanila | Women of the World