Isa Buencamino: The Trailing Spouse Plays Big

Sep 1

Written By Roxanne

The mere mention of “trailing spouse” conjures images of a wife who follows her husband overseas often due to the latter’s job assignment. She leaves behind her comfort zone – a good career, an army of family and friends she draws support from and other conveniences of being in her home country. What most trailing spouses don’t often discuss are the struggles and challenges that come with the move: job loss, identity issues, loss of confidence, culture shock, feeling lost, etc.

Born and raised in the Philippines, Isa Buencamino has experienced and transcended the stereotypical trailing wife syndrome. The family has lived in the Netherlands, Belgium, the UK and, currently, Bahrain mainly on account of husband Miguel’s jobs.

Isa managed to continue working in corporate roles in each of these countries, something to keep her busy while earning a decent income. That ceased when she finally found her calling, the catalyst to creating her dream job: one she can take with her when travelling or relocating but, more importantly, one that she can keep doing to benefit other women, trailing spouses or not, for the rest of her life.

With 30 years of experience in Leadership, Learning and Organisation Development across multicultural settings, Isa is confident that she can help to uplift women regardless of age, race and background. Designing and implementing training and coaching courses in diverse sectors is nothing new to her. What is different is how to build, scale up and sustain her advocacy while taking care of her family.

“The world misses out when women play small,” Isa defines her life’s mission. “I set up the Women of the World (WOW) coaching programme in August 2020, borne out of a desire to help women live their best lives: for young women to unleash their potential and for senior women to build powerful legacies. WOW enables women to play big.”

WOW is an all-women global group coaching programme and network for women who want to make an impact and proactively shape the next stage of their lives or careers. Through a series of group sessions of 4-6 participants guided by two professional coaches plus separate one-on-one coaching, the programme brings clarity of direction and boosts confidence to set stretch goals, achieve them and sustain personal change. The global network of WOW alumni supports each other through master classes, face-to-face events and collaborations.

The programme has snowballed. It now counts 144 alumni from 26 countries. In a typical month, there could be 2-4 groups in progress, with up to 16 sessions happening. The pool of coaches has grown from 4 to 16 attracting women from multinational organisations like Ikea, Unilever and Apple, the education sector, the British Council, UK’s National Health Service as well as small and medium enterprises all around the world.

Judging by the positive feedback from those who joined the programme, Isa’s mission of encouraging women to play big is taking root.

“WOW helped me clarify my goals and discover my new callings; it has allowed me to explore further as I work on the next chapter of my life. I volunteered as a mentor, am exploring consultancy work and am paying more attention to my retirement plans. It’s amazing what opportunities have opened up.” – Rina, Director of Business, Travel and Sales, UK

“WOW gave me the confidence to embark on a portfolio career which has enabled me to pursue multiple passions, achieve a better work/life balance and develop my skills further. Without WOW I wouldn’t have felt able to make this leap.” - Sarah, Author, UK

“The very idea that you get to talk to women from all over the world with diverse backgrounds and experiences who listen to you and give you words of encouragement alone is worth signing up. A very rare opportunity.” – Keiko, Sports Camp Founder and Director, Japan

Playing Big Since Young

Born to a doctor-father and a stay-at-home mother, Maria Isabel Agbayani Buencamino vowed she would break away from her family’s tradition of female members choosing to be homemakers. As a child she played male roles. “I wanted to be a hero; I think I loved breaking boundaries.”

“I was a risk taker and sought adventure,” Isa continues. “At 10 years old, without letting my mother know, I auditioned and got accepted into the UP Cherubim and Seraphim, a popular choir group. My mother was concerned but I found my own way of getting to the practice venue and travelling out of town.”

Isa’s first job was at Unilever Philippines in the Human Resources department. After five years, she and her boyfriend decided to get married; they were still quite young, Isa was only 25. The plan also included an MBA programme for Miguel in Rotterdam School of Management (Netherlands), a move the couple funded themselves.

*A young Isa running an off-site Unilever workshop*

She left for the Netherlands without knowing what she would do there. Fortunately, she was able to work at the Unilever Head office, and I recall meeting her there as she entertained me with stories of buying second-hand furniture, plates and cups, at a time when the circle economy had not yet been labelled such.

After his MBA, Miguel got a job in Belgium, and so the couple moved. Isa was pregnant with their first child, Bianca. They lived in Brussels for six years, where their second child Andres was born. During this time, Isa took on a new role with Learning and Development at another Unilever office based in Kingston, outside London. She commuted between Brussels, Rotterdam and Kingston, and also worked from home.

The next family move was to Reading, in Berkshire, England when Miguel got promoted. This is where they lived for 12 years and where her two children went to school, moving on to university.

“I was worried about not giving them roots for their psychological wellbeing and safety,” Isa shares.

Isa’s job was rewarding but required frequent travel, which interfered with her mommy duties. She recalls the time she left six-month-old Andres and flew to Sydney for a two-day summit. She found herself handing over newly pumped breast milk to the hotel kitchen for freezing so that she could bring it back to England with her. It was a wake-up call. “What am I doing?” she cried.

Isa then decided to leave Unilever for a local job at Interserve, a mere 18-minute drive from where she lived. Interserve is a company in construction, equipment, infrastructure services and facilities management. She started this chapter of her career with a small role in one of the business units, when the company had 16,000 employees. By the time she left, she was working directly for the CEO and the workforce had grown to 80,000.

*Pandemic days meant everyone worked and studied at home*

After working for Interserve for 10 years, Isa decided to leave corporate life altogether and do something on her own. “I am not afraid of what I don’t know,” she declares.

“The Bible teaches us that there is the terrifying fear of the imagined (pachad), and the awesome fear of possibility (yirah). The latter is stepping into something you’ve never done before, to transcend your limitations.”

This resonated with something I learned in a personal development course: that Fear and Excitement are flip sides of the same coin. The physical manifestations are the same: increased heart rate, cold sweat, etc but the difference is in one’s point of view.

It took two years for Isa to create and launch What’s Inside, her own consultancy and coaching firm. What’s Inside is rooted in Isa’s belief that what you need to succeed is already inside you. As a consultancy, it offers 4Cs – Clarity, Confidence, Courage and Conspicuity (a term she coined to describe visibility and impact). She designed leadership programmes and coaching for teens, young professionals, work teams, women and ethnic minority managers.

“At the start, I played a YES game. Just say Yes and figure things out. The first company that approached me was in mining and wanted to buy two days per week to do HR work. ‘Yes’, I answered. ‘Oh can we increase this to 5 days per week, can we fly you to Zambia, can you drive this large truck?’ ‘Yes, Yes, Yes,’ I answered.”

“After six months, I thanked the client and said if you want to continue to engage me, I’d like to scope the work to coaching your executives. They turned this down initially but came back after 3 months and said, ‘Okay, we will take whatever it is you want to do for us’ and gave me 30 people to coach!”

“After two years of working this way, I decided to pause and take stock. I gave myself two months and then the pandemic hit so what was a choice to take a break was prolonged. I went for long walks with my dog Loki and asked myself: What do I love? What am I good at? What gives me flow? What would wow me?”

As a non-white, female executive in the UK, Isa seemed to represent and attract opportunities in the growing Diversity and Inclusion agenda. Her own personal story and an initial programme designed specifically for women, tapped her values and passion.

Thus, the WOW Coaching programme was born. With Isa as founder, WOW has seven co-founders, recognising the value of sisterhood and manifesting Aristotle: the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

*Playing with Loki and contemplating her future*

“Everything that I have learned from all the jobs that I ever had, from the people I worked with and living my values, I put in designing and organising the WOW programme. In the past, I think I played small, was comfortable being invisible. When running leadership programmes in Europe, North America, Middle East, Asia and Africa, I witnessed women who were held back, unsure, cautious. I want to help women who may feel the way I did and empower them to achieve their dreams more quickly and with greater impact.”

Isa now shuttles between the UK (where her children are in university) and Bahrain, where Miguel works. She may also fly into Manila, Singapore, or New York, where WOW recently gathered women in soirees: lively networking events with WOW alumni as inspiring guest speakers. In the last six months she led a virtual WOW programme that I attended, and I saw her taking a break with her sisters in Spain, caring for her mother for six weeks in Bahrain, attending her son’s graduation in the UK and having fun in the Philippines. Her paid work, pro bono work, socials and family milestones meld seamlessly giving her rich, colourful days.

As a leader and coach Isa has been described as energetic, nurturing, intelligent, inspirational, kind, committed and empowering. As a sister and friend she is unstoppable (both sisters mentioned this), caring, helpful, passionate, supportive and loyal (three mentions)! You certainly want Isa on your side.

During her corporate job, Isa worked so hard that she developed health problems, at one point, high blood pressure and episodes of anxiety that she caused her to pass out. “If I have a tendency to kill myself doing a job, then what job is worth dying for?”

“We need more female energy in the world. I want to make a dent in gender equity. I love connecting women to what makes them amazing!” Isa is playing big and in the process we feel inspired to up our game.

Roxanne | ws

To contact Isa Buencamino: isabuencamino@whatsinsideltd.com | LinkedIn: Isa Buencamino-Agbayani

To find more about WOW: wowcoaching.org | LinkedIn: Women of the World (WOW) | FB: womenoftheworldwow | IG: Women of the World

Roxanne

Isa Buencamino: The Trailing Spouse Plays Big

Playing Big Since Young

Aida Santaolalla: Rising Above Prejudices